Sunday, September 19, 2010

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself

This one is like that awkward interview question "what are some of your weaknesses".

Sometimes, I lie. About random stuff. About things that shouldn't be lied about.  Once or twice it'll be a small thing I lied about, or something I fabricated as an excuse or to just feel like I'm a badass and be able to participate in whatever lame conversation I deemed worthy of a lie ... and then that small thing that I've lied about? I tell the lie so often that I think I've actually DONE that in my lifetime?? So a small thing becomes a big thing?

I absolutely hate that I'm a liar sometimes. Especially since I'm so straight-forward and honest 98% of the time; people trust me! I have no reason to lie, and shit, when I'm just honest about why I can or can't go to an event: sometimes an eyebrow is raised, but come on, it didn't kill me. It might be a socially awkward moment or two, but overall: not life altering.

I once pointed the finger of blame at my brother's ex-girlfriend for being an uncontrollable pathological liar. It made me so angry that she was lying to my parents and taking advantage of the situation that I was this close to moving OUT of my house and into the dorms at school. But a lie is a lie, right? It does and doesn't matter what I've lied about: I'm not any better than she is. Except that the frequency in which I lie is barely a blip on the radar ... but a blip is a blip.

Except ... I've never lied to someone's parents about the conditions of me living in their home as opposed to my own.
I've never told their parents that mine kicked me out, when in reality: I left on my own accord.
I've never kept it from my boyfriend that the baby I'm carrying isn't is.

But I did lie to a best friend when she asked me point blank if I did the nasty in her guest room.
And I think I lied because it was one of those awkward "WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT" type questions.
I shouldn't have lied. Because I felt awful doing it. And I felt even worse when she figured out I fibbed.

Case in point: DON'T BE A LIAR.

Here's hoping TOMORROW'S entry is much less depressing than today?

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