Wednesday, March 16, 2011

What would you do ... Deployment Edition.

My mother in law recently asked me if I would move back in with my parents if/when Drew deployed, and she seemed a little shocked when I said no. My reasoning was that my parents probably wouldn’t let me. (This is probably untrue) The reality? I can’t justify picking up my life and moving it back into my parents’ house for a mere 6-8 months, especially if I’m 3,000 miles in the other direction. Unless we’re talking about a span of years, it just doesn’t make sense logistically or financially, especially if I keep up dual employment. I would absolutely be open for a roomie or at least have slumber parties on a regular basis … but my plan for deployment? Is to 1) stay put 2) keep busy, be it with work or extra curriculars or a combination of the two.

Of course, I say this ... but I might make an exception if we were stationed in the middle of nowhere ... like Yuma.

So what would you do? Would you stay or would you go?

Sidenote … it’s snowing out. This sucks.
Supposedly, spring is 3 days away? I’m guessing I’ll be trading the snow for a lot of rain. Which is equally as crappy and miserable.
I will not miss the Northeast. At all.


  1. I have been debating this one for a long time. On one hand, when he deploys I will be roughly 1800 miles from anyone I am related to, and we could save tons of money if I lived with my parents for the whole year. But, I found him being away for training to be much easier when I was at the base rather than home. Being home just *felt* like he should be there when he wasn't. Plus, I feel like I would get more information and feel more connected to him if I was on post and surrounded by people in the same situation. I think my conclusion (at least for this week) is that I'd stay right where I was until he came home. :-D

  2. Because of the distance, I understand your decision. Especially with work. Your plan totally makes sense and it works! I moved in with my parents when my husband deployed. But the move was a mere 150 miles, and I had intentions to just go to school for a year, so it was convenient for me.

  3. No way would I move home, and I'm fairly opinionated about it. I would see it as a personal failure, like I can't "handle" living an independent life as an adult. You're not a child, you're an adult, you live on your own. Plus, historically people don't have good experiences at home because their parents undermine their role as adults (or parents of their own children), and they're not typically surrounded by the military community who understands and can support them. You're also cut off from FRG functions, which are helpful for community building. I like staying HOME on the homefront and preparing my home for his return.

    The only time I could see it being justified is if someone was going to birth a child while their SO was deployed or if someone was an EFMP and had a high level of support needs.

  4. as my dad sweetly said when he handed me to Stephen at the altar..."there is no return recipt on this one".
    So going home is not really something my dad and stepmom would be all giggly about. Considering they live in a town of 13 people in the middle of nowhere I am not too excited about it either.
    Plus he has mentioned that he likes the idea of me being in our home, in a place he can see in his mind so he can know what I am talking about when I mention things on the phone or in letters. It would give him peace I suppose. Plus I would feel safer near a base.

  5. I usually schedule a visit back home right in the middle of deployment to break it up. Sometimes it's just for a weekend, sometimes (like last deployment, when I didn't have a job) it's for two months.

    Being around the base and FRG makes me feel connected and in the loop, so most of my time is spent at our house. But going "home" to visit family and friends is a nice break and makes deployment seem to go by faster.

  6. I would not move home. I am an adult, and have my own life with my husband whether he is home or deployed; our home is our home and I'm staying here to maintain it. I'm just about thirty years old have have NO DESIRE to move home with my family again. Besides, Why would you want to add more moves and instability into an already mobile and unstable life?

    I guess maybe if you were 18 and scared to death to be alone it might be a good idea or if you have some kind of difficult pregnancy to deal with or other medical condition that would require someone be available for you at all times... other than that, I can't think of a good reason to move home.

    I don't recommend it by any means. Stay put, work on your career; moving home is a hassle and it's not something an adult should do in my opinion; you have to learn to be independent at some point. Besides you will get more support from the military community if you stay put because you are close by all the resources.

  7. I stayed and took advantage of every single minute and I was only 21 at the time. The second time around when he got orders I was going to move home but that is simply b/c when he got home he was getting out 3 months later so financially it was smarter but if he was a lifer i'd keep my own space. I can't imagine now ever living under anyone else's roof.

  8. I would stay put. I have my own way of doing things, we have children, and my Mom drives me batty after a few days. I couldn't handle months of it. Small doses, please.

  9. I am only 7 hours away from my hometown, so I am going home for a few weeks after Mr's deployment starts, but then I am coming back to our home. I am also planning on going back in the middle of the deployment. Mr thinks I should stay in my hometown the whole time, but I don't we started our life and I want to stay here. I just want to finish school and keep myself busy and however I plan on it is the best way for me.

    So you can only do what you think is best for you! As long as you are happy that is all that matters! :)

  10. I love my parents, but there's a "time limit" with being around it does sound mean, but its the truth. the same goes for my brother.
    DH is deploying and I'm staying put. Being that i'm sucky 29 who wouldn't want to leave? but my family is on another continent and i can't just up and leave my house for 6-7 months. i also have a job and a dog to think about. this is my home, my parents home is their home not mine anymore. i'm also an adult and moving back with my parents, unless necessary is out of the question.
    i opt for staying put and going to visit my family.

  11. I say, lots of people live alone and do just fine. If you feel up for it, stay put. If you want the support of live-ins, go for it. Personally... i just moved out of my parents house and live alone 95% of the time. I'm doing ok. I love my parents, but I'd rather have my own place, and my own rules and prove to myself that can do it. :) Good luck.

  12. I am staying. Although we are an hour from home but I still wouldn't move. 1- I have no place to live so I would still have to rent a place and put down deposits and such. 2- I have a job too which helps keep busy and keep our income flowing. 3- I am 27 years old, plenty old enough to be on my own. 4- It seems like a waste of time packing and moving, unpacking, re-packing and moving again. Also what a waste of money. Plus do you want to spend the last few weeks packing or spend it having fun? Fun hands down. I love having a place that is ours to retreat to when I am lonely or need quiet time. I love not having to share space with family (dad, sister, his family). It's just nice to have our place with our memories in it. All of our stuff and pictures everywhere.

    Ok enough of a post!