Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Through the tough times

I didn't really realize it until "You Were Meant For Me" from Jewel's album Pieces of You cycled through on my iTunes a few minutes ago ... but that album has managed to get me through some seriously tough times. Alright, in all fairness ... those "tough times" I speak of are about as tough as a 13 year old girl can make them. It was my Dad's CD, and I don't know why he bought a damn Jewel cd ... but boy oh boy did I play the hell out of it. I still know nearly all the lyrics more than 10 years later. Listening to those songs now makes me smile. I listened to the CD until it started skipping in certain places. Didn't know you could really wear a CD out, but there you have it.

So here I sit.
Listening to Jewel's "Pieces of You" album. Because this is the 3rd week in a solid row that Drew hasn't come home at a remotely reasonable hour.
Because I've been working like a dog to keep from noticing that the clock hits "unreasonable" hours and he isn't home. Again.
Because I need the distraction to keep from noticing that for the umpteenth time: I am yet again eating alone.
Because I stay busy and involved on purpose. I make my own plans with my friends and I stop counting on him to be able to come with me to see a play downtown. A play that a friend from work is performing in.
I stop counting on date night. In fact, I stopped cooking for more than one person a long time ago ... he doesn't eat leftovers and claims that heavy food keeps him up at night. I cook for Taryn now.
If I'm not busy with Olive Garden, or interning at the magazine ... or spending time with my friends or even indulging in World of Warcraft ...
I start noticing that Drew isn't home, by no fault of his own. 

God knows I invent any reason to go horseback riding. But right now? I need it. I need the 3-4 hour distraction. I need my personal paradise, because today I've noticed that the last 6 weeks of my life have been completely unordinary. I've noticed that this pattern of eating alone is going to continue. And he's going to find that this habit of me making my own damn plans is going to be one hell of a habit to break.

So I'm listening to Jewel. Because she makes me smile. Because today, is a tough-ass day. I have nothing to say other than I miss him. I miss being able to do things together. I'm an independent girl 99.9% of the time and I can live a separate life and not fall apart at the seams. But sometimes, even independent girls like to spend more than hour with their husband.

PS: Anyone feel like volunteering to be my bunny-slope ski partner so I don't have to go by myself on Monday nights?


  1. hang in there. hopefully things will change for you eventually. it was like that for us when we first got married, the late nights, eating alone, you evenutally just get use to it and they adapt to the fact you can no longer just sit around and wait for them to come home to either A)fix dinner or B) make plans.

  2. *hugs* We can do it, girl. It's only going to get worse for me too. Think about how sweet it's going to be when you're not on recruiting duty and he's coming home to be with you at the end of a work day. You'll get there, you will!