Monday, October 31, 2011

Your Primary Job

But the fact is, your primary job is always going to be Marine Wife. Everything else just comes second.

That phrase doesn't make me feel good about myself. It makes me feel .... limited.
Am I supposed to feel like this? A little like I've just been stereotyped into a category?
Do normal people enjoy being a wife as their primary function?
I love my husband ... but I've never felt my role as "wife" was my primary job.
I sort of resent the above phrase.
But the real kicker here is that I think it's true; however much I may dislike it.

I think I need to start finding a new answer to the question "what do you want" ? Because "I Don't Know" needs to stop being acceptable in Taryn world.


  1. You are who you choose to be. I personally resented that statement when it was made to me (with a different branch, of course). The truth is that there will always be people who line up and tell you how you should live your life and who you should be. The question you have to ask yourself is: If they have it all figured out, why are they all up in your business instead of enjoying their wonderful lives?
    I struggled for a long time with feeling limited by the Navy's insertion into my life. It takes time to find the balance that is right for you. For me, it meant continuing mission, just as I had before I got married, only with a whole dozen complications I didn't previously have to deal with, but it was what is right for me. I do not consider my primary job to be a Navy spouse. My primary job is to be a good person and a good wife to my husband who may not always be in the military. If the Navy needs a wife, it should go find one. I have my hands full being Senior Jefe's wife.

  2. I understand what you are getting at and I don't think being a "marine" wife has to be your primary role, but I do believe that being a wife is a primary role. It's not our ONLY role but it is a role. I am a wife and I am a navy wife but those aren't my only roles or only identities. Do I embrace them both? Yes, but they don't totally define me. And I especially do not let the "navy" part of that define me. I am a wife and I am happily a wife, I choose to be the wife that I am based on the life that I am choosing and wholeheartedly happy to lead, but that has zero to do with the navy and any title that gives me and everything to do with myself, my husband, and my Creator.
    As far as the navy wife title goes, I am proud to be a navy wife because I am proud of the person and job that my husband holds in the navy but the navy isn't the only thing that he is and certainly isn't the only thing that I am.

    If that made any sense ;] lol

  3. I guess it is all in how you look at it. My primary role is being a wife to my husband. Decisions I make about what I do career wise, friend wise, hobby wise, etc are impacted by that role. I try to respect my husband and our marriage in everything I do. I think this comes from my first marriage where neither of us did this. This is not the only role I have but it is one of the primary roles I have.

    I have a career, I have friends, I have my family, I have his family, and I have my faith. I have roles in all of these circumstances.

    Now being a Navy wife brings its own set of fun as far as a role because literally what I say, what I do, etc in certain situations can impact my husband and his career. And if he gets assigned someplace else my role will be to go and support him.

    You have to find your balance for you and your husband and do what works best for you!

  4. No- My primary job is NOT Marine Wife. I am an individual. I am married to a Marine, so yes, that makes me a Marine Wife, but in no way shape or form does that mean I have no control over my own individual life as a person. Now, I don't mean that I do whatever I want without consulting with my husband, what successful marriage does that? However, he and I are secure enough with our relationship and understand that there might be a time where we will not be together- whether it be because the Marines have sent him away or because I found an amazing job opportunity that pulls me away from home. We don't have kids, so we are allowed that freedom. My husband is supportive of my career just as I am of his. We are 50/50 and I REFUSE and will NEVER let the Marine Corps dictate how I live my life.