fragments

I feel the need to be blogging about something important, and yet I can't find a single topic I'd want to think long and hard about.

I think, that I need to work on being less of a Negative Nancy while I'm waiting on tables. I'm pleasant to customers, but boy oh boy, do I moan and groan in the sidestations and in the kitchen. It can't possibly be something my co-workers want to listen to, and don't I get sick and tired of the other folks in the restaurant that have absolutely nothing positive to say? I'd hate to be"that" girl. That hypocritical one.

My less than pleasant mood came home with me. Drew didn't ask how my day at work was; I just offered it. Somehow, I ended up ranting about how it just wasn't fair that I have to spend the next 12 years of my life sacrificing things for his career, and the military just doesn't care about me and my aspirations, and I know it's not his fault: but dammit, it sucks.

And it does! My problem is that I'm a girl that knows what she wants and I even know what I need to do to get it. But here's the kicker ... Drew's extremely mobile career may very well put me in a bind.
Unfortunately, when I went to school: I hadn't planned on marrying a Marine. I was majoring in Communications with an emphasis in PR but a strong and vested interest in journalism, and that kind of a focus? Belongs in a big metro area. And I happened to be in a big metro area, so it was fine. But now here I am ... knowing full well that most military bases are in the willy whacks and far from large cities ... and I'm absolutely terrified for myself.

Like I said: I need to work on my negativity and just ... have faith that I'm not doomed. Maybe one day, I'll want to be a Mom and I won't feel like I gave everything up. I'm hoping, that if all this happens? I won't resent him for any of it.

I think sometimes, that Drew resents my love for horses because it's expensive. Really expensive. He said he blames my parents for being "enablers" and not putting a cork in it. But cmon, really? Could a parent deny their child something they truly enjoy doing? And quite frankly ... there's a lot of "spoiled rich kid" things that make up who I am as a person. I think I came out well-rounded and humble, not narrow minded, "hoity-toity" and snobby.