Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone else for

I suffer from Irish Alzheimer's ... I forget everything but the grudges. I've long since forgiven the actions, but not the person the caused the irreparable damage.

I forgive people almost too easily, because on more than one occasion I've been steamrolled for being too trusting, too willing to believe the apology.

I won't go as far as to say that I'm still actively angry with anyone, but I know exactly why we are NOT on good speaking terms. And I know exactly why I choose not to interact with this person on ANY level. Drew's best female friend. Warning sign number one should have been the closeness of another female in his life. I wasn't threatened by her in the slightest. Turns out, she was probably threatened by me. And the way that I influenced his life and how he chose to live it. My resolution is that Andrew is 26 years old. He can make his own choices and he doesn't need me or anyone else to validate them.

 The long story ... is much too long to tell. That, and I have since moved past it. It's just better if she and I don't speak.
Ever. She is absolutely NOT welcome in my presence. Maintain a 5 mile radius at all times.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Shame on me.
I don't even know what really went wrong here, only that she crossed the line so many times it isn't funny. The worst part is that she played me like a violin ... acted all buddy-buddy when on the inside? She was passive-aggressively seething. Loathing my presence. And the worst part? I still don't know why. She's very much in love with Jay. Drew has been and always will be just a friend.

I gave her the benefit of the doubt and chose to put it all behind me when the bitch pert near ruined my 23rd birthday, but the shit she said to me  a month later: all of 3 days before I moved to Maine? Was entirely inappropriate. Her reactions in general made me question whether she was in love with him herself, and Drew's unwillingness to mitigate the situation in the first place made me question exactly what the hell was going on with us, because if it was just OKAY for her to make OUR relationship her business? Then he was clearly in the wrong relationship.

I threw the hammer down so fast his head spun.
Her behavior was not okay. Her behavior made OTHERS raise their eyebrows.
She's incapable of apologizing.
When you're wrong? Admit it. Don't be a coward. I would have been more than willing to 100% put it all behind me and give her a third opportunity had she apologized. But that hasn't happened yet.
And I haven't forgotten what she said and how she chose to verbally assault me over the telephone with matters that WEREN'T even her own business.

Example: there was a small chance that Drew and I may have conceived in March 2009. I confided in her (stupidly it seems) ... because I was a little nervous and not sure what I was going to do if it all came back positive. It ended up being just ... a big scare. And in May, she threw all of that back in my face and said I was a terrible person for even CONSIDERING any of the options that weren't keeping the child. That Andrew was a wonderful person and he didn't deserve a conniving bitch like me who wasn't interested in having his children.

Really? Fuck you. Sensitive material on a sensitive subject that is absolutely and without question: none of her business.

Don't tell me I have to forgive her.
I've forgiven her obvious lack of tact. But I haven't forgiven her for just being ... ridiculous.

Part of me is still passionately upset. I lost sleep over this. I know she didn't, but I sure as hell did. If her words were knives, I'd have been sliced in at least 50 places. I was upset, I was hurt ... and she didn't care.

All I have to say is karma is a bigger bitch than I'll ever be. And what's worse? I refuse to play ball with her. She even tried stirring the pot of drama AFTER I moved to Maine. Seriously? Grow up. I turned the other direction and privately threw a hissy fit. I knew she was getting to me. But I never once let her know that.

I'm not even sure what the hell the girl hoped to gain by picking a fight with the girlfriend (and now, soon to be wife) with her best friend. Pissing ME off? Is only going to ruin his relationship with her, so really: what the hell is her problem?

1 comment:

  1. I think I might love you a little.

    I'm so glad I found your blog! :)