Disclaimer #1: No, I'm not pregnant.
Disclaimer #2: No, Drew isn't going to be deployed anytime soon.
Disclaimer #3: No, our recruiting duty tour has not been extended.
With all that being said, I had never wanted to reach through the phone to throttle my husband more in my life than I did yesterday.
I came back from the office after a half day and took a nap. And by nap, I mean the kind of nap where an atomic bomb could go off and I wouldn't stir. For all intents and purposes, I was dead to the world. Suffice it to say that I did not hear my phone ring between 2 and 4:30pm while I was catching up on some must needed ZZZ's.
I also didn't notice that I had (4) missed calls from my husband until I was in the car with my dog on the way to her Intermediate Obedience class ... and the man never leaves a message. Or perhaps a more accurate statement is that it's RARE if he leaves a message. So when I see the little indicator that I have a message, I'm intrigued.
Message sounds like this: Hey baby ... I have some REALLY news that I need to tell you. I'll call you back in a little bit.
He sounds about as excited/lighthearted as a fat kid with cake in his hand.
My little heart skips a beat. Perhaps we have orders somewhere? Perhaps we're being sent to DC and he wanted to tell me himself? OOH! Maybe they're a) promoting him to SSgt and b) making him the SNOIC instead of 2nd in charge. OH! Better yet, perhaps he's getting some kind of a fabulous raise ... like the correct BAH for instance.
So I dial him back, my heart a-thumping.
And uh ...
the news that was best to tell me in person?
One of his best friends is unexpectedly pregnant; NOT particularly excited about it ... and Drew is having a grand old time busting the poor guy's chops that baby #4 will mean that the guy will be 50 years old before all the kids are out of the house.
And I paused.
My jaw hit the ground.
THAT was the really great news you wanted to tell me over the phone?
You couldn't seriously leave it in a message?
This is me hypothetically pounding him for getting my hopes up. Here's a tip, husband: don't get your wife all excited for something stupid. (Not that a pregnancy isn't great news; but the giving him a hard time about it certainly is).
I kinda feel like someone stomped on my heart a little bit.
Darn it all ... can the powers that be figure their 'ish out so we can have orders somewhere?
Please and thank you?!
This is me reaching through the phone to throttle you.