I was asked this question a few days ago.
And here's my take:
I expect that my husband will deploy multiple times throughout his military career. Most men (and women!) want the combat experience. They joined the military to serve their country and some don't feel like "real" soliders, sailors, marines, airmen etc until they've gone overseas and into a war zone.
That being said, I will be far more amenable/receptive to a volunteered deployment or unaccompanied tour if Drew comes home and talks to me about his wishes ahead of time. If he had made that decision all on his own without talking to me first, I'd be without question: hurt/insulted.
I fully expect my husband to deploy multiple times throughout his career, so that's not the problem. But I would draw exception to his making a decision that would affect our family unit in a HUGE way without consulting me, his partner, in it. If I understood what his wishes were ahead of time -- I'd be far more receptive to a volunteered deployment. With the knowledge that my Marine enlisted with the intent to deploy, for me, personally, while maybe he shouldn't HAVE to talk to me about it [maybe it's a given/implication that deployments are something he wants to do], I think it would be a respectful, considerate gesture to at least give me, his spouse, the heads up. I would certainly involve him if I was making a decision to say, go to Africa for 8+ months to assist a nonprofit group with their humanitarian efforts. (Let's just pretend that this was something I was passionate about for argument's sake.) I think my husband would be not only shocked, but wounded that I made a decision like that without communicating how passionate I was for the cause and how I would feel doing such important work!
So what say ye? How would you feel if your service member came home and told you that s/he volunteered for a deployment/unaccompanied tour?