Thursday, June 23, 2011

For HIS career ...?

I've noticed a trend among the MilSpouse world when it comes to moving to a new base when you have a choice. It seems the advice is always: do what's best for your husband's career.

Insert crickets chirping here.
His career? What about my career?
And let's just hypothetically say that I was a stay at home Mom and geography didn't neceessarily play much of a role in where we ended up, aren't I allowed to have an opinion and say that I just flat out don't want to live in Japan?  Or the desert? Or anywhere on the west coast??

MilSpouses, the government is going to move us all over the globe without giving a frog's fat behind about how we end up finding jobs in the middle of the desert. If we have a choice? I think we damn well have a right to put our two cents in; because if and when he deploys or goes out for long training operations ... we're still stuck there. Don't get me wrong, if it would be a major career advancement opportunity, I'd suck it up go without any protest and make the best out of a lses than desireable situation.

But I think we've earned the right to have an opinion.
I think we've earned the right to have a say.
And I definitely think we've earned the right to say: "you know what? I matter, too. Money and upward career movement isn't everything."


  1. THIS ^.

    Oh my god, girl. I agree 100% with you.

  2. I agree... however, I'm from the desert (and west coast) and love it, I didn't love the East Coast, and now I live on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean... and I love that too. Finding jobs suck no matter where you go. It's all a matter of opinion! =)

    Put your 2cents in, I hope you get somewhere you like.

  3. I have always been preaching that. . .funny enough, Justin and I never saw eye to eye on that one ;)

  4. Totally agree.

    We don't always get choices, since Hubby's following a very specific pipeline, but when we do have a choice, he asks my opinion. Luckily, we always agree to where we want to go!

    For example, if he were to go back to a fast attack sub, I asked him to please request Groton, since it is close to family. It's not his first choice, but he understands the benefits that the boys and I would have being that close to "home".

    I think it's a very out-dated point of view to "do what's best for his career".

  5. I think a lot of that comes from the fact that the service member, especially when it is a HE is usually the breadwinner. That may not be the case for everyone, but you'd be surprised how many people that it actually applies to.

    For us, sure... I could get a job as a nurse just about anywhere, but reality is that HIS job is the more stable one. He's the one who is least likely to get fired, he's the one with the retirement, he's the one who's job holds our benefits. HE may not be the breadwinner in our case BUT in the long run, he's got two things I don't. Retirement and benefits... so for me, and us, I'm going to go with what's best for his career.

  6. and with that being said: my hubs has tried his darnedest to keep us in far because it's what I've preferred (not that I'd mind Japan). 4+ years at Pendleton and it'll be 7 when he's done with this billet. I think he's done pretty good.

    If only the Marine Corps could get on board with that though. LOL. Unfortunately, if they PCS him, because we bought the house... we've talked about me staying here and planning regular visits.

    By the time he's done with this billet in 2013 he'll have about 14 years in so, we are on the downhill slope anyway. THANK GOD!

  7. I think you have the right attitude. When it IS absolutely good for his career, then yes- suck it up for a few years.

    But so often it's not that at all, but it's just what the soldier wants. I know of one couple who had orders to Fort Awesome and they were lost. When the soldier went in to get it fixed, he requested Fort Frozen Hell because he felt like it. No conversation with his brand-new, very young Florida raised wife. I mean, I'd be livid.

    So many people think that just because the spouse is in the military then everything should go his/her way. Husband and I meet halfway- but with his career field, so often we just get told where to go. But if there's an iota of a say... I'm going to have mine, too.

  8. We do discuss about the career moves before he makes commitments one way or another - I don't care about the location that much as long as it makes sense career-wise for BOTH of us. I have built a long, successful career in my field, and luckily my better half recognizes it. He really tries to find solutions where we both can advance or maintain our careers.
    Sometimes it kinda annoys me that an automatic assumption is that a man is the breadwinner in the household ... it can be other way around too.

  9. You're absolutely right. I think there is a certain degree of politics in the officer corp that does make the whole thing more complicated. This is in part because many believe officer's spouses shouldn't work.
    I think there is a belief that his career is the one that matters, and thus the spouse should always work around this. After all, her career is just something to keep her busy and out of trouble while he's away. I'm not saying everyone things that way, but for a long time that was the way things were and there is some carry over.
    The truth is that these are decisions couples need to work out for themselves and not worry about what other people think.